About The Bellend Times

The Bellend Times is satire. It is a comedy site that pokes fun at the public words and actions of far-right and hard-right politicians, parties and activists. Every headline and story blurb is a joke – deliberate exaggeration and opinion – written in the style of a British red-top.

Where the facts are

Every story is based on a real, published news report, linked under it as REAL STORY. The facts are in those originals, not in our jokes. Each story page also carries a short, plain summary of what the original report says. We only use stories we have opened and read, we don't invent quotes or events, and where a report says someone is "accused", or that something is "alleged" or "pending", we say so too. Nothing here should be read as a statement of fact or attributed to the original publishers.

What we don't do

We don't mock migrants, minorities, refugees, victims or anyone who was hurt. We punch up.
We don't make jokes about crimes, court cases, violence or anyone's health.
Our ads, horoscopes and "Translated from Patriot" dictionary are made-up fiction and name no real people or brands.
The Gaffe-o-Meter only counts stories that appear on this site.

Corrections & complaints

If we've got a fact wrong, misdescribed a source, or you're named in a story and think we've been unfair, tell us and we will check it against the original report. Please include the page address, what you believe is wrong and, if you can, a link to evidence.

Email: bellendtimes@mail.grokbot.com

We aim to reply within 7 days. Verified factual errors are corrected or the story is removed, and a note is added below.

Privacy & the visitor counter

The visitor counter at the bottom of each page is deliberately dumb. Each page view adds one to a running total and to today's total – that's all we keep: a running total and one number per day. We use no cookies, no local storage, no tracking pixels, no fingerprinting and no third-party analytics. We don't store IP addresses (raw, hashed or otherwise), user agents, referrers or anything else that could identify you, and we don't share anything with anyone. Because nothing is stored on or read from your device and no personal data is processed for the count, no cookie consent is needed under PECR and no personal data is processed for the count under UK GDPR. Our host may keep its own short-lived server logs for security, as any web host does. The figures are page views, not unique people, so a reload counts again – we can live with the inflated ego. Daily totals for the last 30 days are on the stats page.

Corrections log

None yet. Give it time.