MAN WHO WILL DEFEND BRITAIN'S BORDERS DEFEATED BY A BENCH
The hard man of British politics gave the budget a 'wide berth' after his little green seat card went walkies, fretting about a repeat of what he calls a 'physical altercation' at the state opening. Rather than perch anywhere else like a normal MP, he stayed away, then announced he was 'shocked' by £10bn for Ukraine and doubled down on tax cuts for crypto. Musical chairs remains the one contest Reform has never won.
THE BORING BIT: WHAT THE REAL REPORT SAYS
Farage's green seat-reservation card was removed; citing a 'physical altercation' at the state opening he gave the budget a 'wide berth'; said he was 'shocked' by £10bn for Ukraine and doubled down on crypto tax cuts.
Our short summary of the original – read the full report for context. Everything above it is satire.
REAL STORY The Guardian · 28 Oct 2026: “Nigel Farage skips budget in Commons over seating 'altercation' concerns”
Gaffe-o-Meter: Nigel Farage · Outfit: Reform UK