Meanwhile, in the Land of the Free (Refills Extra). Every story is satire; the real report is linked under each one.
Stars & GripesGAFFE
'Should we change the name Hormuz Strait to TRUMP STRAIT???' the President asked Truth Social, promising it would be 'hotter' than ever before. This came less than a week after he signed an order renaming Lake Ontario 'Lake America'. Asked later if he really meant it, he suggested he didn't – so the Trump Strait joins the Trump Steak in the great buffet of things that were never quite real.
REAL STORY CNBC · 2 Sep 2026: “Trump floats renaming Strait of Hormuz the 'Trump Strait'”
Stars & GripesFLOP
The President hailed his new Greenland security pact as 'a dream come true', though analysts struggled to spot what it gives the US that the 1951 agreement didn't. Danish paper Berlingske ran the headline 'Don't tell Trump that it's the Kingdom of Denmark that has won', and a Danish MEP noted you can achieve almost anything if you let others take the credit. Coming soon: Trump negotiates historic access to his own fridge.
REAL STORY Unilad · 20 Sep 2026: “Trump ruthlessly mocked by the Danish despite huge Greenland deal”
Stars & GripesFLOP
Football's governing body may scrap the FIFA Peace Prize it invented and handed to Donald Trump last December – which would make him its first and only winner, forever. It is the ultimate Trump achievement: a trophy with a 100% win rate, a field of one, and an organiser now debating whether to delete it. It sits proudly alongside his unbeaten record in the Trump Strait Regatta, which also does not exist.
REAL STORY Al Jazeera · 18 Oct 2026: “Will FIFA scrap its peace prize, making Trump its first and only winner?”
Stars & GripesGAFFE
Vivek Ramaswamy, who hopes to carry the state of Ohio, attempted to hoist a 10-year-old onto the stage at a Trump rally and needed a second go when the lad nearly slipped. (The kid was fine and is the only person in this story who did nothing wrong.) Commentators called it 'embarrassing' and 'Absolutely brutal'. Meanwhile, the headliner told the crowd he knows more than 'anybody anywhere in the world', presumably including how to lift children.
REAL STORY indy100 · 4 Oct 2026: “Vivek Ramaswamy struggles to lift kid in ‘embarrassing’ and ‘brutal’ rally blunder”
Stars & GripesMELTDOWN
Donald Trump has assured America that he 'never studied the body of a man before' and 'It's not my thing' – before going on, at two separate rallies, to review a senator's backside in a level of detail normally reserved for a structural survey. CNN's Anderson Cooper responded with a montage of the President admiring blokes' physiques, crowning him the 'assman-in-chief'. The White House is yet to confirm whether the Husted review will appear in the presidential library.
REAL STORY The Independent · 22 Oct 2026: “Trump mocked by Anderson Cooper with on-air montage of him complimenting men’s bodies”
Stars & GripesTYPO
The official White House account shared a stirring 'bird's-eye view of the ballroom' – taken from the ground, looking up. New York's governor's press office helpfully supplied a picture of two penguins captioned 'The bird in question', while a parody Larry the Cat asked the question on everyone's lips: 'Was the bird dead?' The only bird with that view, one assumes, is one lying flat on its back on the South Lawn.
REAL STORY indy100 · 24 Oct 2026: “White House ballroom update sparks ridicule: ‘Was the bird dead?’”
Stars & GripesMELTDOWN
Stung by Barack Obama likening his White House makeover to 'Saddam Hussein opening a Cheesecake Factory', Donald Trump hit back, calling Obama a 'lousy president' and explaining his own design philosophy: 'We re-skinned it.' He added that he is 'a very clean person' and the building is in 'the best shape it's been since 1792', which, as Newsweek notes, is the year they started building it. The Cheesecake Factory, for its part, can hardly complain about the free advertising.
REAL STORY Newsweek · 24 Oct 2026: “Donald Trump Responds to Obama's 'Cheesecake Factory' Jab—'Lousy President'”