REFORM DATES DUP AND TUV AT SAME TIME, ASSURES BOTH THAT NIGEL DIDN'T MEAN THAT THING HE SAID
In a romantic weekend in Northern Ireland, Reform sent Robert Jenrick to a DUP dinner and Danny Kruger to rival TUV's conference, which in unionist circles is the equivalent of booking two dates at the same Harvester. Asked about Farage once saying a united Ireland would happen 'one day', Jenrick reassured everyone: 'That is not his view I can assure you.' Jenrick: now available as a Farage-to-English interpreter for weddings, funerals and Orange halls.
THE BORING BIT: WHAT THE REAL REPORT SAYS
Jenrick was special guest at a DUP dinner and walked the Shankill Road with its leader while Reform MP Danny Kruger addressed rival TUV's conference; asked about Farage once saying a united Ireland would happen 'one day', Jenrick said: 'I've heard people mention that comment... I've had many conversations with Nigel. That is not his view I can assure you.'
Our short summary of the original – read the full report for context. Everything above it is satire.
REAL STORY BBC News NI · 21 Mar 2026: “'Love many, trust few' - NI parties still pursue Westminster dalliances”
Gaffe-o-Meter: Robert Jenrick, Nigel Farage · Outfit: Reform UK